Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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