Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
