Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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