yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
