i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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