Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
This girl is more easily done than said...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
