I wish I could teleport
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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