Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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