That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
