you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
