I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
