Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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