you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
