I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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