Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
