i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
