I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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