if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
