I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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