i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
