At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
