we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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