she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Drunk is not a location!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
