Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The air taste purple.
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