so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
FUCK WHALES
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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