His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
