I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
