yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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