so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
