Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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