I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
