her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
