After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
