so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
