I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
