I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
