You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
