Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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