i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
