Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
