no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
