I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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