I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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