return my video game
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
