I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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