He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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