hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
