I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
