everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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