why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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