we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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