Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
