I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
