Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We're too hungover to prance.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
