remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
