God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
