You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
