I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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