I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize