just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
