Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
