i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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