Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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