Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
