Jerry, you need to find god
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
