If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
