Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Two words: nipple clamps
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