So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize