actually, I'm a sock model
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
