My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
