You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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